Kudos and Criticism
by Ambrosia Software Users

                       

                         This section features reader responses to Ambrosia's software & service. We will
                         include the good with the bad, and address any problems brought to our attention.
                         These are real people writing real letters about real issues. Feel free to drop us a
                         line.

Barrack Reaction

               From the Barrack Press Release:

               "Barrack increases levels of serotonin, a neurotransmitter" says Dr. Frankenspammer,
               psychologist.

               Hmmm. Actually serotonin is the neurotransmitter that help you sleep. Like
               milk stimulates serotonin production, so a glass of milk before bed can lead to
               better sleep. So is Ambrosia actually saying that this game sends you to sleep? :-)

               - Daniel Meijer

Umm... no - Barrack does not put you to sleep. You see, we took the definition of Prozac and replaced the word "Prozac" with "Barrack." We though it sounded cool (well, they did rhyme). 

               First let me say, I love your software... I just downloaded Barrack. I have a
               Performa 410 (LCII). When I start Barrack, I get a black screen and the game
               won't start. Won't it work on my trusty older Mac? I plan on getting a
               PowerMac, but until then....

                I didn't have Caps Lock on. Please help...

                - Tracy5079@aol.com

Nobody has Caps Lock on anymore, strange... We had a little problem with Barrack on some lower end Macs. See Eeek A Bug later in this issue for more information. 

               Barrack IS A WORD. I spent a year in Australia and in Australia "to root"
               for a team there is like saying you're screwing for that team....Root means to
               have sex. Instead Barrack is the term used, you barrack for this team or that
               team, never root, heh heh. Just so you know.... I read the FAQ and you said
               it was not a word... IT IS.

               - Cody Charette

Even if we did find Barrack in the dictionary (which we didn't), I doubt it would say that. So, If Barrack means to root, and root means to have sex, what are you doing when you play the game? Should you do it in public? 

               I want to say that I enjoy your new game Barrack very much. It has fabulous
               graphics and a welcome mix of action and strategy. I must take issue with
               one item, however. Your depiction of "Bosco" the shark in the GAME OVER
               picture is greatly in error. As a faithful member of: S.H.A.R.K.

               Skeptical Hotheads Against Reprehensible Kilobytes

               I must point out that sharks NEVER wear orange plaid shorts with purple
               and yellow flowered Hawaiian shirts together. IF they wear shorts they would
               be of a seersucker striped variety. The shirt would most likely be of the
               blue/green type with perhaps some red flowers for contrast. You are correct
               however in that sharks most often wear hot pink sashes and matching
               sandals. ;-) Otherwise keep up the good work.

               - EagleWing@aol.com

I'd watch what I was saying about Bosco's wardrobe if I were you ;) 

Apeiron Addictions

                Excellent Game! My wife and I are hooked. The dishes are dirty, the dog is
               starving, we've been fired from our jobs . . . I hope we can find a cardboard
               box with an outlet so we can keep playing once we're evicted.

               - Paul Baumgarten

A cardboard box? I think we can hook you up with one. Heck, we'll give you the biggest one we have! It's the least we can do. 

                It is my intention within the next day or two to register your dreadful game
               Apeiron. I feel it only fair to own a legal copy before I sue you for 2 billion
               dollars.

               Not only is Apeiron almost Noriega backwards, which is pretty sinister in
               itself, but it is clearly the work of satan worshipping, drug crazed anarchists
               bent on undermining the very fabric of society.

               The grounds for such litigation as I plan are simple and, I think, irrefutable.
               1 billion for the loss of my wife and family and 1 billion for the mental
               trauma of living for weeks with a gibbering drooling idiot, once a well-loved
               and well-adjusted woman, who wakes me in the night with anguished,
               heart rending cries of 'COOLAH!!!'.

               In the day I cannot get near the computer for the rigid, blank eyed, vacant
               presence of the pathetic vegetable, ONCE MY WIFE DAMN YOU!! She (it)
               is aware of nothing but the screen in front and Larry and the rest, moaning
               occasionally 'Oh Noh!!' or ' AAHHH!!!' as the dribble pools on the floor.
               (I'll have to sue you for carpet as well.)

               This is an intolerable situation and I hold you completely responsible.
               You will be hearing from my solicitor as soon as he stops playing Doom.

               - Jim Barber and Cabbage

Oh man, that's bad. Has your solicitor seen Barrack? 

Bill? Missing?

               Your message did not reach some or all of the intended recipients.

               To:       announce_list@thaumaturgist.AmbrosiaSW.com
               Subject:  announce_list: Chiral 1.0.4 update released
               Sent:     4/29/96 17:50:10 PM

               The following recipient(s) could not be reached:

               bill@microsoft.com on 4/29/96 17:50:10 PM
                   Recipient Not Found
                   [MSEXCH:IMC:microsoft:northamerica:RED-07-IMC]

What's he doing on our announcement list? Hmmm.... 

Ford's Fascination

               I was sitting on the couch last night (4/4/96) watching TV when a Ford
               commercial came on playing music from Apeiron. I could not believe it
               at first but I then realized it also had sound effects, specifically from the
               crab-lobster-scorpion thing and that blue guy who lays mushrooms. The
               topic of the commercial was dealing with ants being able to pull more
               than their own weight. Weird...

               - Ryan Stocker

You heard the sounds? Weird... You know, that's just subliminal advertising backfiring on Ford. Instead of wanting to buy a car, you want to play Apeiron. 

Ooops!

               Could you tell me if there is anything I need to know before temporarily
               removing Apeiron and Maelstrom. The corporate guys are coming to the
               office so I need to remove both these games for the time being.

                - Wendy (last name withheld)

Do those corporate guys have Macs? Have they seen Barrack? 

Hellooooo Hector!

               I've enjoyed going through your site, and I've been intrigued by the
               HectorCam(tm).

               Every day for weeks I've been coming into work and pretending to do my
               job, while in reality I've been checking the HectorCam(tm) over and over
               again for hours at a time.

               And while I have been intrigued and entertained by the changing play of
               light on the back wall of the office and on Hector's perch (in the morning
               it's particularly lovely), I have detected a rather prominent lack of parrot
               in these scenes.

               I almost hesitate to ask this, but is Hector still among the living? Don't get
               me wrong--I hope for the best. But if he is deceased I think we ought to know.
               You can't protect us forever.

               Mind you, I think the HectorCam(tm) page would still be just as entertaining
               if he was dead, but you might want to change the name to a more Pythonesque
               DeadParrotCam(tm) instead.

               - David Heaton

Hector doesn't like the camera. If you are lucky enough to catch him there, you would probably be insulted as he stands there with his back to the camera. He's even insulted Gayle by calling her a Bimbo. Now that's rude!